Saying Good-bye to an Old Friend…

It usually takes me and my husband 6+ months to make big, life-altering decisions. It is absolutely necessary. There must be time to weigh the pros and cons, to consider how life would be altered, to receive inspiration and direction.

Case in point…the color swatches have been hanging on the wall for who knows how long. Green…the perfect color. You would think that we would be ready to commit…especially since green is my favorite color. But, the paint remains unpurchased. The walls remain off-white. We just need more time to really know if it is the “right” color (or, so we tell ourselves).

It has been this way for as long as we have been together (which has been a long while).

Until about a month ago.

It started when we bought a car in a week.
Then Joel began growing a beard overnight.
And, this week, when the doctor called on Tuesday and said “let’s remove your other fallopian tube tomorrow”, we said yes.

Why did we say yes (especially when I didn’t have 6 months to think about it)? After all, saying “yes” meant saying “no” to the possibility of ever naturally conceiving again.

I needed to preserve my health.
I needed to be in control.
I needed to be done.
I needed closure.

So, I am now tube-less. How do I feel? I try not to think about it. But, to my left fallopian tube who has gone the way of extracted organs…here is what I have to say…

“Sayonara!”

“You’ve been voted off the island!”

“You snooze, you lose!”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”

“I look better without you!”

But, most of all “Thank you for giving me my son!”

 

 

Comments: 6

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  • Kerstin..thank you for sharing your thoughts. You’re right it is bittersweet! I remember when I finally had a hysterectomy that it was nice to have closure! Yet difficult to know the journey for a child had truly ended! Sterility is a good club too:0 Thank you so much for your words! Most important you have your beautiful son!!! So glad to call you friend!! Here’s to the next chapter in your journey!! HUGS

     
     
     
  • I love that picture of you…what a sweet blessing to have that cute little guy. I loved the article you recently wrote. But I love everything you write so what’s new?

     
     
     
  • Tiffany

    What a moving post! You genuinely have inspired me for years and I don’t think you’ll ever realize the impact you’ve made on mine (and many others) lives!

     
     
     
  • Emily Foley

    So sorry Kerstin, but that is one sweet little boy!

     
     
     
  • Holly

    I am so thankful to you for writing your book and writing posts like this on your blog because it makes me feel like it is okay to talk about my infertility openly. I appreciate your bravery in doing so. I didn’t know you had any children so I was so excited to see this darling picture of you and your little boy! I wish you nothing but the best in your future!!!

     
     
     
  • you are an inspiration to all of us kerstin. thanks for all you do for so many of us. we talked about the parable of the talents in sunday school today and i thought of you and how you have used yours in such a way to give hope, inspiration, and comfort to many many people. you have been and will continue to be an answered prayer to many people. thank you! and tell joel happy father’s day!!

     
     
     
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