I am a little slow with my Ensign reading. In fact, I must admit that when the September issue came, I almost decided just to throw out the July and August issues even though I had not read them yet. Time is limited…I thought. What I don't read won't hurt me...I thought. I will be better this month…I thought. But, my little self was just plain ill about casting aside two copies of the Ensign just because I felt a little overwhelmed by reading 3 issues in one month. So, I resolved to merely peek into the September issue BUT I had to read both the July and August issues before I could move from peeking to reading.

The point? The point is that I learned to never throw away a copy of the Ensign without reading every last word! In these two issues, I found great treasures. Can you believe I almost missed them? One treasure I will share with you...Elder Marlin K. Jensen’s article “Those Who Are Different”.

As I flipped through the Ensign, I saw the article’s title and almost dismissed it, thinking it might not apply. But then, my eye caught one paragraph which read:

“Even when they are worthy, members whose lives don’t fit the ideal and thus are considered different often feel inferior and guilty. These feelings are heightened when we as their brothers and sisters fail to be as thoughtful and sensitive toward them as we ought to be. Consider, for instance, the unintended impact on a childless married couple when a member of the ward asks them when they are going to have children, not realizing that they have wanted to have children for a long time but have been unable to do so.”

I was immediately hooked and HAD to read the rest of the article. It did not disappoint. Saying that I loved Elder Jensen’s article does not adequately express how positively moved, thrilled, and giddy I was. Almost the entire article is underlined. As I read I felt comfort, I had a new perspective, and I felt as though someone else understood my life (huzzah!!). Let me share some things that made an impression on me. I hope you will read the article in its entirety and allow his words to make an impression on you as well.

• “The desired outcomes of a gospel-centered life are held up as ideals for which we are all encouraged to strive. Although such ideals are doctrinally based and represent desirable objectives in our quest for eternal life, they can sometimes become sources of disappointment and pain for those whose lives may vary from the ideal.”

• “As we work to resolve these challenging situations, it is important to recognize that the solution isn’t to eliminate or even lower the level of the ideal.”

• “We all have our failings, and our lives vary in some ways from the ideal. We are all different!”

• “Seeking to keep all the commandments—even if we sometimes fall short of the ideal—is something within the power of each of us and is acceptable to our Heavenly Father.”

• "May God bless us to realize that an important measure of our progress in coming unto Christ is to be found in how well we treat others, especially those who are different. And may we remember that we are all different in some way."

Things to add to your list...love Elder Jensen for his words. Always read the Ensign.

.kerstin.

1 September 2010

On My Mind Archives

If you are anything like me, you are constantly considering ways to improve your life. What will make me more organized? What will help me get up earlier in the morning? What will help motivate me to eat better and exercise more regularly? What will make me happier? What will bring greater peace and solitude into my life?

Again, if you are anything like me, it can be overwhelming to consider where to begin on the list of improvements, especially if you are far from perfect (like me!). How do you decide which quality will be first on your "to-do list"  of things to graft into your thoughts and actions?

May I suggest looking at various qualities and considering the “side effects” or tangible benefits of a trait. Oftentimes when I see such a list, I am even more convinced that a particular trait is exactly what I need (or don't need) in my life right now. This convincing helps gets me to right to work.

Here are 4 lists of “side effects” which correspond to particular traits. As you read them, see if you can identify the trait…

List A
increases optimism
increases vitality
increases happiness
increases a sense of well-being
greater satisfaction with life
more positive memories
more empathetic and supportive
more forgiving
more likely to assist others
less envious

List B
binds hearts and minds in suffocating darkness
drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful
leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be
kills ambition
advances sickness
pollutes the soul
deadens the heart
like a staircase that leads only and forever downward

List C
like the beam of sunlight
pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn
encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father

List D
awakens and enlivens spiritual senses
breathes life into our souls
encourages sensitivity to the Spirit
enlightens our minds
quickens our spiritual pulse
hearts are touched

List E
destroys peaces
breaks hearts
separates us from God

Can you guess what each list is describing? Let me reveal…

List A: Gratitude
Vaughn E. Worthen, “The Value of Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude,” Ensign, Mar 2010, 44–49

List B: Despair
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Infinite Power of Hope,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 21–24

List C: Hope
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Infinite Power of Hope,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 21–24

List D: Faith
David S. Baxter, “Faith, Service, Constancy,” Ensign, Nov 2006, 13–15

List E: Bitterness
Bruce C. Hafen, “Beauty for Ashes: The Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Liahona, Apr 1997, 39

This month, I’m going to throw list B and E in the trash and welcome List A, C, and D into every day. How about you?

.kerstin.

5 August 2010

Choose one and write about tangible ways to incorporate it into life for our August Think & Share…we all need ideas!!

On My Mind Archives

In April, a story appeared online in a local newspaper about me, my book, and the Utah Infertility Awareness Event which I organized. After I read the first few public responses to the article, I decided that it was a waste of time. Many of them were far from sensitive and instead of kindness, I found a lack of understanding and respect for the difficulty of trial. One comment has caused me explore my feelings over the past several months. And, between this exploration and recent events in my life, I have come to a new conclusion. This conclusion is one that I would like to share with you...

Any road taken toward family building is a difficult and often painful road.

Last fall, I told you about my friend (read here and here) who, after 8 years of marriage, decided to entertain in vitro fertilization (IVF). Now, this path was a path chosen after prayer consideration, financial preparation, and after other options had proven unsuccessful. She and her husband felt strongly that IVF was the route they needed to take. After she and her husband completed the IVF cycle, she had a positive pregnancy test. Excitement filled the air. When I spoke to her, a new happiness, a feeling of joy filled every word. I felt as though she was happy after 8 very long and extremely dark years. She was a different person, transformed by witnessing a miracle she had hoped, prayed, and waited for. Celebrations and preparations began, and it was very much welcomed! I cannot express my relief and MY joy in being able to see her so happy. Not long after those joyful moments, tests showed that even though there was an egg sac, it did not contain an embryo. The hope dwindled, the joy diminished, and sadness, even darker than before, returned. Her miracle had turned into another devastation. My heart broke.

My other friend has been working through the process of adoption for quite some time. She and her husband decided on adopting after a long line of other disappointments with her health, including the passing of their unborn child. After many interim blessings and apparent miracles, they were chosen by a birth mother. They watched many details fall into place in such a way that they were assured that this was the right thing for everyone involved. Just as with my friend who decided to go through IVF, excitement filled the air. When I spoke to her, everything about her had changed: new happiness, new joy. She, too, had been transformed by witnessing a miracle...one she had hoped, prayed, and waited for. I was thrilled beyond expression!!

After she held her little baby girl in her arms, my friend knew with a mother's heart that this was her daughter. She felt complete and she felt absolute joy. Days later, with the unexpected advent of the birth father contesting the adoption, this sweet baby girl was taken from her. She was reintroduced to sorrow, a questioning heart, and deep pain. My heart broke.

Yes, adoptions work out every day as do cycles of IVF, IUI, surgeries, and hormone therapies. It is unfair for any of us to say one path is easier or more right. Each path is expensive in every sense of the term. Each path involves decisions which you sometimes wonder why you have been chosen to make. Each path involves sacrifice. Each path encourages you to look at life in a different way. Each path causes you to explore the depth of your spirituality and your ability to trust in the Lord with every power you possess.

I encourage each of us to reach out in greater love and strive to understand the path our friends are walking. Let us not judge but rather offer love and support, especially when the pathway seems particularly difficult and devastating. If you are the one walking the hard road, I offer you all the comfort I can give you. My heart hurts to hear of pain and suffering. I shed tears when I think of what you are experiencing. May you be buoyed up and strengthened!

.kerstin.

4 July 2010

On My Mind Archives

I have been spending many, many hours preparing to speak at a Relief Society Retreat which is this Saturday in Heber, UT. The topic is not one that is foreign to me, rather it is a common topic, so you would think that it would take no time to prepare, right? WRONG! The past few weeks I have been immersed in the scriptures and Ensign magazines. The Topical Guide and Bible Dictionary have become great friends to me and there is a stack of nearly 20 Ensigns by my beside threatening to make me slip every time I get out of bed. I have maxed out a notebook taking notes and my brain is filled to capacity. I fear that if I read one more thing that I will burst, yet, I want to read more and learn more about the topic. I want to know every angle...to hear every last prophet's perspective. The problem...my presentation is 30 minutes. There will not be enough time to spill everything that is in my brain in that time. I obviously have a problem. Perhaps I can share some of what I have "on my mind" with you...

The topic: The Atonement. A broad topic, indeed, but my remarks on Saturday will focus on how the Atonement is about profound healing...how Christ offers to make us whole in every way...even emotionally.

Satan is so good about convincing us that we are alone in our sorrows,
that we are weak and cannot endure that which we experience,
that peace is no where to be found,
that Heavenly Father is punishing us and has forgotten us.
Satan wants us to be miserable.
He is the author of all that is destructive.

How grateful I am that I know of Jesus Christ, our Savior.
He is the Author and Finisher of our faith.
He invites us to come to Him to be healed.
He will share our burden and make our burdens light until we have felt the feelings of complete healing.
He brings light to dark days.
He brings peace.
He said, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly," (John 10:10).
Because of Him, our lives can be filled with meaning and joy, even when challenges are upon us.

It is because of the Atonement that Christ can comfort, hear, silence, calm, and bless us when our lives are troubled. In fact, one of the fruits of the Atonement is Christ’s ability to succor His people. Alma taught the people of Gideon (and us) the principle of succoring: “And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12). To succor means to run to the aid of, to assist in times of distress, to relieve.

In Nazareth, His childhood home, Christ spoke among people who knew Him as a carpenter’s son. He read a passage from the book of Isaiah which prophesied that the Son of God would come to “heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives. . . .to set at liberty them that are bruised” (Luke 4:18). Of course when Christ told them that He was the Son of God and that He would fulfill the prophesy, accomplishing the very things of which Isaiah testified, the people doubted Him, were unbelieving, upset, and threw him out of the city. But, what a powerful message He proclaimed: that He would “heal the brokenhearted…set at liberty them that are bruised”.

I have felt bruised.
I have felt injured and yet there is no outward physical sign of the damage done.
To others, my body looks fine and would never be suspicious that inside, my soul is tender and aching.
The scriptures teach, however, that through Christ, peace is assured.
As I apply the Atonement in my life, through Christ, I am promised freedom from my sorrow and pain.

All my life, I have been taught “to apply the Atonement”, but I can’t remember anyone ever really teaching me what that meant. Yes, I knew that I could progress through the process of repentance and be forgiven for sins and shortcomings, but how could I “apply the Atonement” to ease my pains and sufferings? Was I not listening during a Sunday lesson, not understanding a Family Home Evening lesson, or was I never taught the specifics of how to apply the Atonement? Now as an adult woman, I am ashamed to admit it, but when the revelation came, I realized that I knew it all along. The process is so simple! As I read the Preach My Gospel manual published by the Church for missionary work, I learned that to apply the Atonement “we must show that we accept [Christ] and that we will follow His commandments.” In return, “He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ” (Preach My Gospel, 52).

It clicked. In order for me to receive the peace of Jesus Christ that I so desperately needed, and if I wanted Him to run to my aid, I needed to demonstrate in word, thought, and deed, that I would follow the commandments and accept Him. Accepting Him meant that I would need to follow in His ways, do all that He has asked, and become like Him. Now, with this tangible understanding, I could create a checklist of specific things I could do to approach the Savior. Instead of departing from Him or leaving Him because I was filled with sorrow and felt forgotten, I could consciously move toward Him.

My life has been richly blessed by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s explanation of how Christ can assist us when we are bruised, brokenhearted, and feel powerless:

“I speak to those who are facing personal trials and family struggles,
those who endure conflicts fought in the lonely foxholes of the heart,
those trying to hold back floodwaters of despair that sometimes wash over us like a tsunami of the soul.
I wish to speak particularly to you who feel your lives are broken, seemingly beyond repair.
To all such I offer the surest and sweetest remedy that I know.
It is found in the clarion call the Savior of the world Himself gave. . . .
‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. . . .
Ye shall find rest unto your souls’”
(“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006, 69).

Because of the Atonement, Christ knows the trouble of my heart. Because He felt my sorrows, He is the only one who knows how to adequately comfort me. I know that if I “come unto [Him],” He will understand and hear the complaints of my soul, wipe away my tears of disappointment, and silence my fears of the unknown. Our Savior knows your feelings, too. He wants to run to your aid and relieve your pain. He wants to strengthen you and to fix that which is broken in your lives.

The Atonement is an enabling power—it makes weak things strong and allows us to become whole. Through Jesus Christ, we can find the strength to move forward even when all seems hopeless. Because of Him we can be empowered to progress towards becoming what Heavenly Father sees we can be. Additionally, applying the atoning power in our lives will bring much needed healing and relief.

.kerstin.

2 June 2010

Some of this "On My Mind" is excerpted from my book.

This month's Think & Share is about the Atonement as well. Please join me in learning more about the Atonement and how it can be used to improve our lives each day. Click here.

On My Mind Archives

Click here.

Here is just a quick run-down of some of the great things about the day...

1.  We had fabulous media coverage!

• The Salt Lake Tribune did an article...click here.
• KSL, a local news station, interviewed me and my voice "appeared" during rush hour...click here.
• I appeared on Friday night Fox 13 news and one of my committee members was interviewed on Saturday morning by Fox 13 news. I can't find anything on their website to prove it, of course. It is rumored, however, that my grandmother has a copy of my Friday night appearance...I shall hunt it down.

2.  We had 170 people register with more than 20 more that emailed me after registration was closed. Husbands and wives came together, mothers came with daughters, friends came with friends. We had people from Utah, Idaho, and Nevada.

3.  We had amazing food. Check out these delectable donuts we had...click here. Ooooh, they make my taste buds happy thinking about them.

4.  We created quite the energy. It was phenomenal to sit in a room full of men and women, to look around, and to realize that each person there cared about infertility. Each person wanted to learn, to grow, to share, and to heal (or help someone heal). It was truly magnificent.

5.  We impressed the doctors. The doctors were amazed by the turnout. Dr. William Keye (one of the presenters from the Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine) emailed me after and said:

"What an exciting day and a great symposium. I don't know how you and your committee put it together in such a short time, but it couldn't have been any better from my perspective.  I was really pleased to see how involved the audience was and how receptive each of the speakers was to their questions.  It was one of the best infertility seminars I have ever attended.  I feel honored to have had the chance to speak and to be part of the conference."

6.  Couples went away with greater hope. After the fact, I have heard from several men and women that they left the event with hope, with greater direction, and with many questions answered. Some couples have decided a new course of action or were validated in their current course of action. Success! That is exactly what we wanted.

What I learned:

1.  An event like this was definitely needed.

2.  There will be a 2nd Annual event in 2011.

3.  People want to talk about infertility.

4.  Rent out a bigger venue. We will fill the house...guaranteed!

Thank you to all of you who attended and thank you to my committee for being absolutely wonderful. How great it is to celebrate such a success! Pretty soon, we will have a video of the event and the PowerPoint Presentations available on the Utah Infertility Awareness website, so check back soon!

How exactly do you handle Mother's Day when you are not a mother?

I am one of those women who has sat through years of Mother's Days and cringed, cried, fumed, and almost burst with anger, sorrow, failure, betrayal...you name it...every emotion.  I know and understand the pain that is hard for some to understand. I also know that we can live beyond this yearly public reminder of who we are not. I know that it does not need to destroy us.

I know that we can find confidence and greater strength by making a specific plan...we could call it a "Mother's Day Plan of Action"...a plan of how you will respond this year (and this year can always be better than last year, right?).

After sharing a couple of my own ideas to add to your "Plan of Action", may I share some great resources where you can find additional ideas which you adapt to fit your needs? They are quite intriguing...

Ideas from me:

• It is all about distraction and redirection for me! I have often found it helpful to talk my mind into considering Mother's Day as a celebration of my own mother, rather than a celebration of my "motherly" status. As I have sat in church during talks paying tribute to mothers, it takes all my strength, but I think about how they apply to my mother. I must admit that it is easy for thoughts to "sneak" their way in and the result is usually intense anger (and tears when I am not in public), but I have found the emotions to be not as intense when I am thinking of my mom. (On the right...that is a picture of my Mom)

• Spend part of the day considering how you are a mother. We often consider that in order to be a mother, you must have a child. We know that is not true. My favorite dictionary friend (a.k.a. dictionary.com) taught me that a mother can also be...

1.  A woman exercising control, influence, or authority like that of a mother.
2.  Someone that exercises protecting care over something else.
3.  Someone who is the origin or source of something else.

I also love considering the verb form of "mother"...to acknowledge oneself the author of, to give origin or rise to, to care for or protect like a mother. We could sit and ponder that for hours! But, back to my suggestion..."spend part of the day considering how you are a mother". What are you the author of? What and WHO do you care for or protect? What have you created? Who have you influenced? How? I reverence each of your answers because each answer makes you a mother.

• Undoubtedly you have all read Sister Sheri Dew's talk "Are We Not All Mothers?". Mother's Day is a fine time to re-read it and to be reminded about how "Motherhood is more than bearing children. … It is the essence of who we are as women." I invite you to make it a part of your "Mother's Day Plan of Action".

• Plant flowers. I know when to start planting new things in my garden...Mother's Day; it is my measure of when the cold of spring frosts are behind us and when the life within a plant will flourish. Mother's Day is when my yard begins to look beautiful. Plan to plant some flowers in a pot outside your home or a new bush or tree in your yard as a symbol of life and your ability to nurture and nourish. I always recommend having a "Perky Pink" plant in your garden (see that picture? that is it).

• Reach out to someone else you know who is dealing with infertility. You know how difficult it is, so why not reach out and make the experience better for someone else? Send flowers, send a note or an email, call...do something that will help your friend know that someone is aware of her.

• Start a Mother's Day journal. I know that I am encouraged by snippets from General Conference talks. Consider having a journal where you collect thoughts from prophets and other church leaders that help you focus your attention on who you are instead of who you are not. You could even add scriptures or quotes from other well-spoken people (there are so many out there). On Mother's Day (and on hard days in between), read the quotes and give yourself a much needed pick-me-up.  Here are some ideas:

Our lives can be “biographies of faith”; we can be women “whom God has honored because they relied on Him in times of their extremity” (Howard W. Hunter, That We Might Have Joy, 101).

“A quality life is one that positively influences others and makes the world around it a better place in which to live. A quality life is one that is constantly growing, expanding its horizons and enlarging its borders. A quality life is one that is filled with love and loyalty, patience and perseverance, kindness and compassion. A quality life is one that is based on eternal potential and not confined to this life only. A quality life is a life well-lived” (M. Russell Ballard, Our Search for Happiness, 74).

“I honor women who are not mothers. They know that motherhood is but one of the realms of womankind. The virtue and intelligence of women are uniquely applicable to other realms as well, such as compassionate service and teaching. . . .Her self-esteem cannot be based on physical features, possession or lack of a particular talent, or comparative quantities of anything. Her self-esteem is earned by individual righteousness and a close relationship with God. Her outward glow is generated by goodness within. And her patience is much more apparent than any imperfection. (See D&C 67:13) . . . Feelings of worth come when a woman follows the example of the Master. Her sense of infinite worth comes from her own Christlike yearning to reach out with love, as He does” (Russell M. Nelson, “Woman—Of Infinite Worth,” Ensign, November 1989, 20).

Here are some other places to find ideas:

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art61663.asp

http://www.ehow.com/how_2213962_support-infertile-friend-mothers-day.html (I love this one because it gives ideas for how friends and family can help their infertile friends on Mother's Day)

http://www.aces.uiuc.edu/news/stories/news2309.html

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/Managing-Infertility-Stress/coping-with-mother-s-day-and-father-s-day.html

http://cnyfertility.com/2010/05/03/holiday-support-guide-mothers-day/

I wish each of you luck this week as you create your "Mother's Day Plan of Action". I know that it will be hard to endure this next week, but I have confidence in your ability to find strength within and to be guided by the Spirit. Heavenly Father is keenly aware of you and loves you beyond measure.

.kerstin.

3 May 2010

On My Mind Archives

• Write a note to someone who has helped support you or has reached out in a kind way…a friend, a family member, your spouse, a doctor.
• Write a note to someone who is dealing with infertility to offer support.
• Make an appointment with a doctor to talk about infertility for the first time, or talk to your doctor about new options you would like to consider.
• Make a list of things you can start doing that will help you cope a little better. And then do one.
• Read a book about infertility. Here is one I suggest: Infertility: Help, Hope, and Healing.
• Join an online community or forum.
• Check out a new website. Here are some I suggest: http://www.ldsinfertility.org/learning/resources/
• Sit down and talk with your spouse about a plan and what the next step will be for you.
• Find or start a support group.
• Write on a blog or make a comment on a website about infertility.
• Find a therapist who can help you navigate the emotions you are dealing with.
• Choose to speak to 5 people about infertility during the week. You can talk to your mother or father, a friend, a sister or brother, a neighbor, someone in your church congregation, a coworker.
• If you want to better support a friend or family member who is dealing with infertility...learn more here.
• If you want to learn more about what infertility is, click here.

There are certainly other things you can do as well, but this will at least get you thinking. Good luck...may you start seeing infertility with new eyes this week...

Some might say I am obsessed, others will say I am crazy, but I say I am just passionate. What can I say? I am passionate about infertility. Now, that doesn’t mean that I LOVE infertility. It doesn’t mean that I am so GLAD I have to deal with it. And, it certainly doesn’t mean that I would wish it on anyone. It just means that I am passionate about talking about infertility. I know, I know…infertility isn’t a subject that screams “talk about me at a dinner party” (even though I have) or “talk about me at the grocery store” (yes, I have done that, too), but it is a subject that I feel needs to be talked about without so much reservation. In fact, I must admit that acknowledging it and talking about it has played a pivotal role in my ability to deal with it. That is why I talk so much about infertility.

I think of two excerpts from my book that I think successfully illustrate the value I find in talking about infertility…

#1…

“How grateful I am that I live in today’s world! Despite some of the destructive, frustrating, and sad things we see, we are quite blessed. In many ways, we are in a better place than we were generations ago. We have seen a social and relational evolution as each generation improves upon reactions to life’s experiences, including how to communicate about difficult subjects. Once considered taboo, sharing feelings about intimacy and infertility has become more acceptable. While we are far from perfect, we must give ourselves credit for constantly fine-tuning our ability to be sensitive and respectful as we discuss something so sacred and private. As we have experienced this evolution, we have accomplished something extraordinary—we have paved the way for supportive relationships as well as the sharing of valuable knowledge.

“I think back to my great aunt and uncle. They were married in 1943 and established their life together in a small farming community in Tooele County, Utah. My great uncle labored with his hands to add a chimney, windows, kitchen cabinets, and plumbing to the old family store, turning it into a warm, inviting home. Like most young couples, they had hopes of having children and raising them in this home and in this close-knit community. Children never came, however. Feelings of bitterness, sorrow, betrayal, and grief entered into their happy life, but they found a way to live beyond it. Nothing was really ever said about their childlessness. It was obvious that they were without child, but no one knew why, nor did they ask.

“I do not know all of the circumstances, nor would I ever suggest that I could understand the situation as it was back then. But, I can’t help but wonder what my sweet aunt would say today. What would she say if she could share the feelings of her heart? Would sad feelings flow? Or, would I hear a voice filled with confidence, knowing that her life was filled with specific, satisfying blessings and experiences tailored just for her? Oh, how I wish that I could sit down and talk to her, face to face, candidly and without the socially imposed reservation of past generations. I know I would learn so much from her and I know that she would be blessed by sharing,” (Daynes, pg. 53)

#2…

Few things are better than talking with someone who knows about the betrayal you feel from your body, the physical and emotional difficulties associated with infertility treatments, the loss of privacy, and the sadness. Talking with others who have experienced infertility will help you feel more normal. Knowing that someone else has experienced what you are feeling and then being able to share thoughts and feelings with that person can be one of the greatest gifts during the battle with infertility. As women, “we have to have a name for what we are experiencing and [know] that someone else has felt it” (Naomi Judd, interview by Jane Pauley, The Jane Pauley Show, NBC, Season 1, episode 17, first aired September 21, 2004).

These friends hopefully know firsthand the importance of maintaining privacy and confidentiality. They are more likely to know which questions to ask and which not to ask. They know when to speak and when to listen. It is important to find others who can truly mourn with you and comfort you when you grieve. In turn, you can mourn with and comfort them. Remember as you choose to confide in your friends that you maintain the agreement you made with your spouse—How much will you share? How much will you keep quiet?...

“I have several friends who are part of my “network.” Some know the cause of their infertility, some are in the midst of treatments, while some are taking a much needed break. Others have found success in their quest for children while others have experienced repeated devastating disappointments. Some of my friends have experienced infertility for years and others are at the beginning of the road, just starting to wonder if there might be something wrong. My friends have provided me with listening ears. Those who have forged the way have guided my path and have provided me with an education of terms, procedures, and questions to ask. I have cried tears of sorrow with some friends and tears of joy with others. The setbacks have caused me to question certain procedures while the triumphs have given me courage to continue in faith,” (Daynes, pg. 101-103).

I encourage each of us to acknowledge infertility in our lives and to be open to talking about it in appropriate contexts. It is a challenge that we need not suffer alone.

.kerstin.

1 April 2010

I'll be talking about infertility...come join me...

April 24th: Utah Infertility Awareness Event
June: Las Vegas, Nevada (more details to come)
July:  Denver, Colorado (more details to come)
July 30-21st:  FSA National Conference Layton, UT

On My Mind Archives