Cameron and Kristin, Part 2
The first part of Cameron and Kristin’s story appeared on the website yesterday. You can read it here.
Cameron & Kristin C.
Thoughts of infertility hadn’t even crossed our mind yet. It was a word that we didn’t really speak of or know much about. All I knew or thought I knew was that 10% of couples deal with it, and that it is mostly the girl with the “problem.” We decided that after six months of charting, with a total of eighteen months of trying, that we needed to see a doctor and make sure we were doing it right. We knew my wife was ovulating normally because of the charting and felt we were one step ahead of the OB/GYN. After some routine tests on my wife (she is perfectly fertile!), we requested a semen analysis.
The results came back and they were not good. At all. I had no idea there was such a thing as male factor infertility. I assumed that if there ever was an “issue” with fertility that it was with the woman. I was so prideful that I just knew that there was no way that there was anything wrong with me. I was too young, too healthy, and too good. I should have known that with my prideful attitude and charmed life I had it coming.
I regret my attitude prior to the semen analysis. I regret how I made my wife feel each month when the answer was “no”, again. I regret making her feel like it was her fault and that there was obviously more that she should be doing. I was unaware of the hurt that I caused her at the time, and know that I could have been a much better husband and support had I taken a step back and look at the situation and what was going on. My attitude was all wrong!
The Lord quickly humbled me. My confidence and self-esteem was destroyed once I learned that it’s been me all along. I was hurt. I was scared. I was confused. I felt a little betrayed. The adversary was quick to shove me up against a wall and fill me up with thoughts of doubt, discouragement, jealousy, and fear. I was angry. I struggled to accept it. I didn’t want to. I would sit in church next to my wife and watch dads hold their children, take them to Primary, bless them, and take them out to go to the bathroom, and I would start sobbing thinking that I would never have that. I felt horrible for my wife and felt that I had put her through 18 months of hell and now she is stuck with a man who can’t get her pregnant and help her in fulfilling her divine roll as a mother. I had every feeling of guilt and blame that I know of. I didn’t know what to do.
After meeting with a Urologist who explained my test results we were referred to the Reproductive Care Center in Sandy, UT. We did some research and learned that most problems with male infertility can be fixed with a little help. We met with a doctor and were recommended to try artificial insemination (IUI) but were told that with my “condition”, IVF is the best possibility of success. I had no idea what artificial insemination was. When we scheduled it, they put me in a room and told me to “collect a sample.” Whoa! All sorts of emotions and thoughts were running through my head. That is NOT how a man gets his wife pregnant! I was disgusted. I was stressed out of my mind. It was the hardest and most stressful thing I have ever done. I was so stressed I wanted to give up and not go through with it and just wait another month and see what happens on our own. It got to the point where I was praying for strength.
I was given that strength. I “collected a sample” and the procedure was performed. I gave my wife a blessing as she lay on the table and cannot describe the Spirit in the room. We felt united, we felt close, and we felt confident. We felt like we had finally done it. We returned home excited, hopeful, and very optimistic.
Part 3 will be posted tomorrow…