Be Specific About What You Need

It is difficult to be in a supporting role. We have all done it, I am sure. And, none of us is perfect at it, I am sure. It is difficult to know what a friend needs you to say when she is mourning the loss of a child. It is difficult to know what to do when a family member is dealing with health problems. And, we know that it is difficult to say and do the “perfect” things for someone dealing with infertility. We can be key to giving others the tools to support us successfully.

There is nothing wrong with telling your husband or wife what you need and when you need it. There is nothing wrong telling your friend that you would love for them to call you on “this” day every month just to chat. And, there is nothing wrong with telling your mom or dad or brother or sister or neighbor that saying “this” is not helpful, but saying “this” is life-changing.

I remember a time when I was again devastated that my body was not cooperating with my plans (it seems like that happens more often than not). I was again asking myself how getting pregnant could be so difficult for me when it was so easy for EVERYONE else. Perhaps I was being a little dramatic, but being dramatic is not a horrible thing (every once in a while). I know that my husband had comforted me countless times before and he was ready to do it again. But, this time, all I needed him to do is to let me cry. I didn’t need him to say anything. I just needed him to hold me tight and be there while I cried. So, I told him exactly what I needed and he gave it to me.

Communicating our feelings and our needs is often the hardest thing to do. But, communicating can be the most important thing we can do. It can save us from frustration, misunderstandings, and feelings of “why can’t he just…” and “why can’t she stop…”. If we could read minds, life would be so much easier, but in the meantime, we will have to settle for communication. It is amazing what we welcome into our lives as we talk about and share our feelings and needs with those we love.


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